难道我们真的要这样吗？

今天见到她，她明明就在我前面，但是我们都好像没话题讲那样的。听说她会和她的朋友一起吃饭。其实我很想说我也想和你们一起吃饭，因为我们很久没一起吃饭了。结果还是没说出口，真是没用！

今天回到家，冲了凉，就打电话给她的一位朋友。谁知到她的朋友没接电话。于是我就打她的电话找她的朋友。她接了电话后，就和我说她没和她的朋友一起去吃饭了，她看到时间晚了，就说先要回家。她突然问我怎样了和问我的车还好吗？其实刚才回家途中，我撞车了，不过并不是很严重。我就答她其实没什么，让后就告诉她是小事罢了。我突然想起明天是她姐姐的生日，所以就叫她代我和她姐姐说声生日快乐。其实我们在电话这样聊，还蛮开心和很多东西说的。比起现在见到面都没什么两句。难道我们真的要通电话谈天好过见面谈吗？到底问题出现在哪里我真的不知道。希望这一切都会快点结束，想快点回到从前的日子。

是她变了吗？

今天见到她，就问她还有没有想起他父亲的事和还有没有给自己太大压力？她就说有时会想的，压力当然也会有，不过也不可以做些什么。当她答我问题时，我没有了以前的感觉。以前她都会看着我和我说每一句话，也不会像今天那样敷衍我。真的变了。是她变了，还是我还在停留在原点呢？我真的不知道。有时我在想，假如我的存在会让她不高兴的话，假如我的消失能让她觉得更加开心的话，我愿意离开她，消失在她眼前，愿意这样做。只要她开心，我都会为她做任何事。只要她男朋友真的可以守护她的话，我都会离开她。

可能一直以来，我一直守护她，她都会觉得是一种压力。应该这样说吧！她都不知道我一直都在她身边守护她。一直以来，只是我一厢情愿罢了，就当我是傻瓜好了。

第一百天

今天是她爸的死忌第一百天。今天见到她，她穿着一件粉红色的小背心和带了一个红色的大书包。自从她爸去世后，她就没这样穿了。今天见她这样穿回，觉得很好看。可能很久没见到她这样穿了。不知道她还有没有为了她爸的是伤心呢？她还会一直想念她爸吗？我想应该有吧！振作点吧！伯父的离去已经变成了一个事实，别再为这件事伤心了，也别再一直认为你爸不爱你是因为他在你华人生日时去世的。虽然他是在你华人生日时去世的，不过这一切都是上天的安排。我相信假如你爸可以选择的话，他一定不会离开你和你家人的。还有，我觉得虽然伯父去世了，不过我相信伯父一直都在你们的身边守护你们的。

希望你不会在为了这件事而伤心了。看得出你只是表面上没什么事，不过我感觉到你真得很不开心。假如我可以为你做任何事的话，只要你开心，我都愿意做的。坚强点吧，Natalie!加油！你一定办得到的。

等待

今天见到她，就和她聊了几句。突然聊到了香水，就记得我答应过她明年她的生日我会送她香水。还记得两年前她对我说过她喜欢她喜欢Paco Rabanne的XS香水，不过问了很多间的香水店都没有卖。那天突然上网找了，过后今天见到她就提起了这件事。她很高兴，说终于找到了，我就说明年的生日我会送给她。
今天算是有真真的聊天了。比起之前，见到面都不会大声招呼。今天算是好的开始吧！我相信没多久我和她就可以变回以前那样无所不谈得好朋友了。给她点时间吧！别逼他！慢慢来！________________________________________________________

今天回家时，突然很想吃Mcdonald的McFlurry。我打包回家吃。吃的时候突然觉得为什么没有了我第一次吃的时候的感觉，觉得不好吃了。还记得第一次吃的时候，是和她一起吃的。那时我们买了一杯，两个人一起吃。那时我们是很要好的好朋友，他吃了一口就会喂我吃一口，感觉真的很不错，很甜蜜。那时她一边吃，一边傻笑，有时我会忍不住说她看到雪糕就像个小孩子一样，不知她在傻笑些什么。看到她傻笑，我也会忍不住跟着她笑。两个人就在McDonald里面傻笑。回想起来，没和她一起吃就觉得不好吃，很孤单。说真的，我真得很想快点回到以前那样，我很不习惯现在我和她的关系，根本就像是普通朋友，有时看到对方也可以当作看不到的。我很辛苦，到底要维持到几时才会像回以前那样呢？有时远远见到她，看到她那么开心，心想可能他没有了我她也一样活得很开心。远远见到她，一直会对自己说慢慢来，给她时间吧！不急的，别逼她。


（P/S : 打这个blog的时候，我在听着她喜欢的一首歌-“等待”。这首歌真得很有意思，因为这首歌也说了我现在的感受）

Everything had changed

Everything has been changed since her father passed away. Dunno y when i always look at her, no matter from far away or near distance, i also wil feel that she is pretend to be nothing at all, pretend to be happy. I feel sad and heart pain for her. After her dad passed away, we seldom hang out together and talk together. If for last time, she will tell everything to me, no matter is a happy things or sad things. Whenever she have anything, she just will tell everything to me. But now, seem that she no longer need me anymore. Nowadays, we hardly find free time to chat to each others. Everytimes when i wish to talk to her, she will just avoid me or she is with her group of friends. Sometimes i will pretend to meet her "accidently", just to say hi to her or just pretend to walk by pass her to c whether have chance to talk with her or whether she will start a conversation with me 1st or not. Quite silly rite? Nowadays when we talk, the feeling edi not the same, not like best fren chatting on, is like a very very normal fren just greeting to each other or ask each other "how r u". I feel funny because ask her that question because usually we always c each other everyday, but still gonna ask her how r u. When i tell this to my frens, they will laugh abt it and always told me that give her sometimes. She need time to adjust back to normal. When everything done, she will back to me like normal. I really dun understand, when i ask her for a lunch or dinner, everytimes she will find reason such as tired or no time to reject it. But when her frens ask her go for a dinner she will just accept it. What's wrong? Its already 2 months. I really dun understand wat is going on rite now. I just wish to back to the time that i n her still always hang out around n also when anything happen, she still will find me to talk abt it. But i know, rite now, it is impossible!

Tell me wat happen

Recently really pressure. Pressure abt everything till i feel that i can't breath. I never been like that before... Wat had happened? She edi din bother me quite sometimes. I think got one n half month. I feel sad when she treat me like that. What did i done to her n make her treat me so cool? I really got no idea. Today when i saw her, she just walk in front of me. When she saw me, she din even talk to me n try to avoid me. I feel hurt when she treated me like that. Especially today she avoid me n purposely walk a big round so that she won't walk d same road with me... Wat the hell? I called her n asked her y want to avoid me but she just said that nth. I really dunno wat to do rite now. Please tell me wat to do... Anyone help me please....